Keep Your Child on the Straight and Narrow.

As parents the reality is that sooner than expected, our children will be travelling alone, sleeping alone in a room in a different state or country, be with different people we don't know or might never know. They will have to make decisions alone without our input and guidance, decisions that might make or mar them for life.

The days are drawing closer; the days we won't see or hear from them for days sometimes weeks, the days of their seeming independence from our influence and space.

This knowledge is enough to give parents the creeps. Why? ‘Cos we wonder deep in our hearts if our children are ready and can actually withstand the evils and deceits of this world. Can they really make the right decisions in deciphering a good friend from a Judas, and also not end up being a Judas themselves.

Do they have the intuition to make the very important decisions in choosing the right spouse?

Can they draw boundaries between an exciting, fine person and a godly person?

Would they be able to make that business decision, take that investment step? We wonder.

Now, it is certain these decisions would be taken with or without our consent and we need to come to terms with knowing that our children would love to prove themselves and show us that they have come of age.

Yes, we need to encourage them by giving them the opportunity and space to express themselves, the question is, are we doing this early enough or doing this late?

Some parents already allow their children to exercise their rights, they stopped pampering them and doing everything for them, at a certain age. They educate them on the consequences of their actions and also taking responsibility for their actions, and that "Sorry" can't fix everything, and that one might have to pay a big price for ones actions/inactions.

Some parents do this not because they are hard but because they know that eventually the day of reckoning will come and they try to put things right so they start early and plant the seed of wisdom in their children. 

We must be willing to allow our children make and learn from their mistakes, this will give us the opportunity to address it and correct them accordingly. We should let them know what they can or cannot have now and why and when they can or can’t have it. We should teach them that life is not a bed of roses and everyday isn't Christmas. 

We need to educate them on the value of time. Teaching them that there is time for play and time for work, time to sleep and time to be awake, time for leisure and time to labour, this is the reality of life many of us did not have the privileged of knowing, this time waits for no one.

We must teach them wisdom and restraint in all they do, teach them to respect others, to be compassionate, being contented and not complacent, teach them to develop a great self esteem, not to be proud and most especially teach them discernment.

Doing all we need to do as parents is actually preparing them for independence, when they will eventually take on life alone.

According to scriptures, when we do a good job, training up a child in the way he/she should go, when they grow they will not depart from it, we will be rewarded with peace of mind and happiness in our grey days.

Don't take up huge loans to throw lavish birthday parties if you can't afford them (if you can its ok). Instead do something small, if they ask why, take the opportunity to teach them contentment, delayed gratification and investment. 

We have loads of experience about life; we should invest this experience in them. We know students who used cars on campus and the ones who drank garri for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Today some of those garri drinkers are employers, while the car owning students are the employees. We saw students doing crazy things, belittling themselves, some ruined their future just to impress others on campus, trying to boost their self image, and by making others feel lower than them.

Things that matter to you today might have no significance tomorrow. Let's instill in our children great self esteem and wisdom to know what to do per season with their time and resources. 

We shouldn't just roll over and allow everything they demand or ask for. If they can have it and their intents is ok, fine, if not say No! And give them the reason why?

If they want a gadget, like say a laptop or phone, if you can afford it and want to, give rules of engaging the gadgets, like setting passwords for certain sites and programmes, which apps to download or games to play. In as much as we want to give them a freehand, we as the parents have the responsibility in making sure they don't fall prey to the vise of porn sites, demonic games and the likes. 

Giving independence doesn't mean a lapse of responsibility on our part as parents, everything that must stand comes with boundaries and red lines, even freedom. 

As parents teaching our children to distinguish between their short-term happiness, endurance and their long-term good is our uttermost priority because this is how they get the skill to make decisions, which ultimately shape their lives.

This is how the heavenly father guides and directs us through our journey in life: Holiness first, then after all other things will be added. There are principles to everything in life: everything that must work well, there are no short cuts.

The adage says, ‘spare the rod and spoil the child’.

Sparing the rod is not taking the time to teach, nurture and tutor children in the ways of wisdom, understanding and knowledge that will equip them for their race in life. The rod here is our own input in impacting knowledge and wisdom. Children will always make mistakes; oftentimes their thinking and foresight are myopic.

The Rod here is our guidance and counseling, not necessarily physical punishment. 

Lessons learnt in childhood will definitely last a lifetime and when/if they get into trouble and we are far away or gone, they can draw from the wealth of experience we have impacted or shared with them.

Let’s keep our children from making the same mistakes we made.