As parents the reality is that sooner than expected, our
children will be travelling alone, sleeping alone in a room in a different
state or country, be with different people we don't know or might never know. They
will have to make decisions alone without our input and guidance, decisions
that might make or mar them for life.
The days are drawing closer; the days we won't see or hear from
them for days sometimes weeks, the days of their seeming independence from our
influence and space.
This knowledge is enough to give parents the creeps. Why? ‘Cos we
wonder deep in our hearts if our children are ready and can actually withstand
the evils and deceits of this world. Can they really make the right decisions
in deciphering a good friend from a Judas, and also not end up being a Judas
themselves.
Do they have the intuition to make the very important decisions
in choosing the right spouse?
Can they draw boundaries between an exciting, fine person and a
godly person?
Would they be able to make that business decision, take that
investment step? We wonder.
Now, it is certain these decisions would be taken with or without
our consent and we need to come to terms with knowing that our children would
love to prove themselves and show us that they have come of age.
Yes, we need to encourage them by giving them the opportunity and
space to express themselves, the question is, are we doing this early enough or
doing this late?
Some parents already allow their children to exercise their
rights, they stopped pampering them and doing everything for them, at a certain
age. They educate them on the consequences of their actions and also taking responsibility
for their actions, and that "Sorry" can't fix everything, and that one might have
to pay a big price for ones actions/inactions.
Some parents do this not because they are hard but because they
know that eventually the day of reckoning will come and they try to put things
right so they start early and plant the seed of wisdom in their children.
We must be willing to allow our children make and learn from their
mistakes, this will give us the opportunity to address it and correct them
accordingly. We should let them know what they can or cannot have now and why and
when they can or can’t have it. We should teach them that life is not a bed of
roses and everyday isn't Christmas.
We need to educate them on the value of time. Teaching them that
there is time for play and time for work, time to sleep and time to be awake, time
for leisure and time to labour, this is the reality of life many of us did not
have the privileged of knowing, this time waits for no one.
We must teach them wisdom and restraint in all they do, teach
them to respect others, to be compassionate, being contented and not
complacent, teach them to develop a great self esteem, not to be proud and most
especially teach them discernment.
Doing all we need to do as parents is actually preparing them
for independence, when they will eventually take on life alone.
According to scriptures, when we do a good job, training up a
child in the way he/she should go, when they grow they will not depart from it,
we will be rewarded with peace of mind and happiness in our grey days.
Don't take up huge loans to throw lavish birthday parties if you
can't afford them (if you can its ok). Instead do something small, if they ask
why, take the opportunity to teach them contentment, delayed gratification and
investment.
We have loads of experience about life; we should invest this
experience in them. We know students who used cars on campus and the ones who
drank garri for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Today some of those garri drinkers
are employers, while the car owning students are the employees. We saw students
doing crazy things, belittling themselves, some ruined their future just to
impress others on campus, trying to boost their self image, and by making
others feel lower than them.
Things that matter to you today might have no significance
tomorrow. Let's instill in our children great self esteem and wisdom to know
what to do per season with their time and resources.
We shouldn't just roll over and allow everything they demand or
ask for. If they can have it and their intents is ok, fine, if not say No! And
give them the reason why?
If they want a gadget, like say a laptop or phone, if you can
afford it and want to, give rules of engaging the gadgets, like setting
passwords for certain sites and programmes, which apps to download or games to
play. In as much as we want to give them a freehand, we as the parents have the
responsibility in making sure they don't fall prey to the vise of porn sites,
demonic games and the likes.
Giving independence doesn't mean a lapse of responsibility on
our part as parents, everything that must stand comes with boundaries and red
lines, even freedom.
As parents teaching our children to distinguish between their
short-term happiness, endurance and their long-term good is our uttermost
priority because this is how they get the skill to make decisions, which
ultimately shape their lives.
This is how the heavenly father guides and directs us through
our journey in life: Holiness first, then after all other things will be
added. There are principles to everything in life: everything that must work
well, there are no short cuts.
The adage says, ‘spare the rod and spoil the child’.
Sparing the rod is not taking the time to teach, nurture and
tutor children in the ways of wisdom, understanding and knowledge that will
equip them for their race in life. The rod here is our own input in impacting
knowledge and wisdom. Children will always make mistakes; oftentimes their
thinking and foresight are myopic.
The Rod here is our guidance and counseling, not necessarily
physical punishment.
Lessons learnt in childhood will definitely last a lifetime and
when/if they get into trouble and we are far away or gone, they can draw from
the wealth of experience we have impacted or shared with them.
Let’s keep our children from making the same mistakes we made.
