Just
last term, a school staff noticed a girl of about age 9 entering the visitor’s
toilet in the school after school hours. Shortly afterwards, her driver went in
with her. They both came out much later. She said it didn’t occur to her that
something fishy was going on till they came out looking uneasy. She regretted
not investigating when the driver went in after the girl did. This is why we
always call for perpetual vigilance by all child handlers.
Grandfathers also abuse their grandchildren, yes! Grandfathers! On the
outskirts of Lagos, a grandfather was caught on top of his granddaughter in an
incidence that shocked family and neighbours.
Biological Fathers and step-fathers too abuse their daughters, and the most
appalling, some mothers know their husbands are molesting their daughters, yet
they turn a blind eye because they don’t want to break their marriage.
They also claim it’s because they are not financially independent.
On a radio station recently, a girl called in that her dad was abusing her and
before she could say another sentence, we heard her yell out ‘daaaaddddy’ and
the phone went off.
Obviously, the dad had yanked the phone off her!
Another
heart-wrenching case of a woman, a PhD holder who lost her 5 year old child to
gonorrhea a few years ago, is still fresh in my memory. Her husband, had been
molesting their two biological daughters; the 5 year old and a 13 year old. It
was when they developed the symptoms that she found out that he had been
molesting them for a while. She got him arrested but the next day, he was
released by the police!
Mothers too abuse their sons. However, cases like this are quite few. In an
African country recently, a single mother made her teen daughter watch her
having sex with her boyfriend.
‘Lesson’ teachers (private tutors) molest children at home as well. Even
teachers abuse children right there in the school premises too.
A teacher took a girl to the sick bay (imagine a sick bay without a nurse) and
fondled her there. Even though she felt powerless to stop him, the girl got
home and told her mother who went to her school the next day to report. To the
chagrin of the mother, the management tried to water down the whole incidence
and it caused a lot of rumpus in the school. The teacher was sacked eventually.
Where is that teacher now? Your guess is as good as mine…in another school!
In a public school in Lagos, a male teacher would playfully touch the boys
penis in the toilet and eventually masturbate them when they become aroused.
Then, he would gather their semen with a clean white handkerchief which he
would take away with him. He wasn’t discovered till one of the victims reported
to his parents.
Parents also keep pornographic materials at home; the children stumble on them
and begin to practice what they watch on each other. Sometimes, they watch such
films at the neighbours’ and other places they go for sleepovers.
There is also peer sexual abuse , which can be heterosexual or homosexual in
nature. Because their sexual appetite has been stirred too early, those who
have been abused, boys particularly, get very adventurous and do what they have
experienced with other children as little as age 2.
Just last year, two 7 year old girls were caught kissing in the toilet in their
(private) school. In yet another school, a boy and girl in primary three were
caught wriggling on top of each other at the back of the school bus.
The most common form of peer abuse is the sibling-abuse which takes place
between brothers and sisters, between brothers and brothers and between sisters
and sisters. This is one type of abuse you should watch out for because it is
so common! Many adult female survivors of child sexual abuse report that they
were deflowered by their brothers or were in incestuous relations with their
cousins.
Shop-attendants and ‘Mallams’ selling biscuits and other groceries in their
‘convenience kiosks’ have also made headlines for abusing children.
One ‘mallam,’ abused several children in the same house that borders his shop.
He would defile them after giving them sweets and then wipe their vagina with
cotton wool, which he kept meticulously in a polythene bag. Your guess is as
good as mine! What did he do with those cotton wools? Until he was caught, he
was having a field day molesting those children.
To the surprise of the NGO which took up the case, other residents were ready
to bail the ‘mallam’ out because according to them, ‘he is the one to protect
us from Boko Haram when they storm Lagos.’
Landlords who are usually old retirees, usually sedentary and mostly indoors
have also been caught molesting children of their tenants.
Strangers also abuse children. A young woman said when she was age eight she
was abused by a bricklayer when she went with her parents to inspect the house
they were building. Her parents were on the ground floor while the assault took
place on the 2nd floor. He grabbed her and fondled her private part. It was the
first time she would be meeting the man and she just didn’t know what to do.
For another young lady, it was a public bus driver who pulled at her breasts
when she was about to alight from his public bus on her way to school.
For the head teacher of a primary school, it was her family doctor who abused
her when she went for malaria treatment at his hospital when she was eleven
years old. This doctor told the mum on the first visit to the hospital that she
should send her back for check up the next day when they visited the hospital
initially. So, the next day, she went alone because the mum couldn’t go with
her, and then he fondled her all over.
Children in orphanages, remand homes, home for the physically and mentally
challenged also experience sexual abuse perpetrated by some staff of these
institutions.
As you can see, the abuser can be anyone, absolutely ANYONE! Be vigilant,
empower the child to say NO to a ’bad touch’
April Is Child abuse awareness month, let's break the silence, Let every victim
know that he's not alone, Help us share.
Privates
are Private
You always have the right to say ‘no’ – even to a family
member or someone you love. You’re in control of your body and the most
important thing is how YOU feel. If you want to say ‘NO’, it’s your choice.
