Keep Your Child on the Straight and Narrow.

As parents the reality is that sooner than expected, our children will be travelling alone, sleeping alone in a room in a different state or country, be with different people we don't know or might never know. They will have to make decisions alone without our input and guidance, decisions that might make or mar them for life.

The days are drawing closer; the days we won't see or hear from them for days sometimes weeks, the days of their seeming independence from our influence and space.

This knowledge is enough to give parents the creeps. Why? ‘Cos we wonder deep in our hearts if our children are ready and can actually withstand the evils and deceits of this world. Can they really make the right decisions in deciphering a good friend from a Judas, and also not end up being a Judas themselves.

Do they have the intuition to make the very important decisions in choosing the right spouse?

Can they draw boundaries between an exciting, fine person and a godly person?

Would they be able to make that business decision, take that investment step? We wonder.

Now, it is certain these decisions would be taken with or without our consent and we need to come to terms with knowing that our children would love to prove themselves and show us that they have come of age.

Yes, we need to encourage them by giving them the opportunity and space to express themselves, the question is, are we doing this early enough or doing this late?

Some parents already allow their children to exercise their rights, they stopped pampering them and doing everything for them, at a certain age. They educate them on the consequences of their actions and also taking responsibility for their actions, and that "Sorry" can't fix everything, and that one might have to pay a big price for ones actions/inactions.

Some parents do this not because they are hard but because they know that eventually the day of reckoning will come and they try to put things right so they start early and plant the seed of wisdom in their children. 

We must be willing to allow our children make and learn from their mistakes, this will give us the opportunity to address it and correct them accordingly. We should let them know what they can or cannot have now and why and when they can or can’t have it. We should teach them that life is not a bed of roses and everyday isn't Christmas. 

We need to educate them on the value of time. Teaching them that there is time for play and time for work, time to sleep and time to be awake, time for leisure and time to labour, this is the reality of life many of us did not have the privileged of knowing, this time waits for no one.

We must teach them wisdom and restraint in all they do, teach them to respect others, to be compassionate, being contented and not complacent, teach them to develop a great self esteem, not to be proud and most especially teach them discernment.

Doing all we need to do as parents is actually preparing them for independence, when they will eventually take on life alone.

According to scriptures, when we do a good job, training up a child in the way he/she should go, when they grow they will not depart from it, we will be rewarded with peace of mind and happiness in our grey days.

Don't take up huge loans to throw lavish birthday parties if you can't afford them (if you can its ok). Instead do something small, if they ask why, take the opportunity to teach them contentment, delayed gratification and investment. 

We have loads of experience about life; we should invest this experience in them. We know students who used cars on campus and the ones who drank garri for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Today some of those garri drinkers are employers, while the car owning students are the employees. We saw students doing crazy things, belittling themselves, some ruined their future just to impress others on campus, trying to boost their self image, and by making others feel lower than them.

Things that matter to you today might have no significance tomorrow. Let's instill in our children great self esteem and wisdom to know what to do per season with their time and resources. 

We shouldn't just roll over and allow everything they demand or ask for. If they can have it and their intents is ok, fine, if not say No! And give them the reason why?

If they want a gadget, like say a laptop or phone, if you can afford it and want to, give rules of engaging the gadgets, like setting passwords for certain sites and programmes, which apps to download or games to play. In as much as we want to give them a freehand, we as the parents have the responsibility in making sure they don't fall prey to the vise of porn sites, demonic games and the likes. 

Giving independence doesn't mean a lapse of responsibility on our part as parents, everything that must stand comes with boundaries and red lines, even freedom. 

As parents teaching our children to distinguish between their short-term happiness, endurance and their long-term good is our uttermost priority because this is how they get the skill to make decisions, which ultimately shape their lives.

This is how the heavenly father guides and directs us through our journey in life: Holiness first, then after all other things will be added. There are principles to everything in life: everything that must work well, there are no short cuts.

The adage says, ‘spare the rod and spoil the child’.

Sparing the rod is not taking the time to teach, nurture and tutor children in the ways of wisdom, understanding and knowledge that will equip them for their race in life. The rod here is our own input in impacting knowledge and wisdom. Children will always make mistakes; oftentimes their thinking and foresight are myopic.

The Rod here is our guidance and counseling, not necessarily physical punishment. 

Lessons learnt in childhood will definitely last a lifetime and when/if they get into trouble and we are far away or gone, they can draw from the wealth of experience we have impacted or shared with them.

Let’s keep our children from making the same mistakes we made.

How to Teach Good Manners to Your Children

TIPS OF A BISHOP TO ALL PARENTS.

How to teach good manners to your children:

1. On entering your home, greet your children by embracing them. This should contribute to develop their sense of love and mercy.

2. Be good to your neighbors and never be unfaithful. Do not ever hurt other drivers while driving. Your children listen, absorb and imitate.

3. When you call your parents, encourage your children to talk to them. Similarly, when you visit your parents, take your children with you, the more they see you taking care of your parents, the more they will learn to take care of you.

4. When you take them by car, for example to school, do not always put albums or CD's (even though they are good CDs!) But tell them rather stories about yourself. This will have a much greater impact, believe me!

5. Read them one Bible verse a day especially the Psalms of David and the Proverbs of King Solomon. It does not take much time, but it has a very important effect on building strong bonds and their knowledge of God as well as wonderful memories.

6. Hold your head, brush your teeth and wear presentable clothes, even if you stay at home and do not get out of the day; They need to learn that staying clean and well prepared has nothing to do with going outside!

7. Try not to blame them for every word or action they say or do. Learn to skip and drop a few times. This builds their self-confidence.

8. Ask your children for permission before entering their room. Do not just hit and enter but wait for them to verbally give you permission first. They will learn to do the same before entering your room.

9. Apologize to your children if you have made a mistake. Asking for forgiveness teaches them to be humble and polite.

10. Do not be sarcastic and do not laugh at their opinions and feelings, even though "that's not what you meant" and "it was just a joke." It really hurts.

11. Respect the privacy of your children. This is important for their self-esteem.

12. Do not expect them to listen or learn the first time. Do not take it personally. Be patient and constant.

13. Play with them. Let them enjoy and enjoy your company. They will remember all this by growing up.

14. Be firm. If they need to be reprimanded do not hesitate in this direction. Correct their errors right away. Never say "oh, it's only a child" or "he will learn by growing up". No! Now is the time to learn. If they do not learn now, they will never learn.

15. Teach them to be patient and grateful. Do not give them everything they ask. Stick to your limits. Refuse certain things even if you have the ability to give to them. And teach them to say "thank you". Tell them to thank God for everything.

16. Finally, always pray for them from the depths of your heart.
Your prayers can be highly effective. The invocations of the parents are among those whose answer is answered.

No prayer can be as powerful as that of parents for their children.


May God grant us the ability to raise our children through the best behavior.
Be blessed!

Whipping of Children in Schools

Children sometimes and most times can be really naughty, even as parent, we sometimes smack them or are tempted to, this comes from frustration when we want to get them to do things properly or stop bothering us.

But like the scriptures say "two cannot work together unless they agree", this scripture connotes that we have to learn to understand one another so that we can have a cordial and respectful, fulfilled relationship with one another. This plays out at our places of work, marriage and YES, even the relationship between parents, children and teachers.

There is always a way to study someone to know how to engage them and bring out the best in them. Every individual and age group have a unique way they think and the way they expect or hope others pass their message across to them.

For children, it is patience and love

The norm of teachers beating up children and sometimes to the extent of putting marks on them in other to get them to improve in their studies have shown in greater percentage. This does not work; children have interest or show interest only things that give them joy rather than things that sadden them. When the teacher is too harsh and obviously not trained in ways to engage a child, he/she loses the child and it eventually affects his/her studies and sadly affects other areas of life for a long time. We must know that after going for teachers training courses we still need to study emotional intelligence to equip ourselves as teachers on how to handle each individual child that God brings our way. Children will be children and though we sometimes feel frustrated, we need to learn self control and not engage wrong and inhumane method of beating and abuse thinking it will produce a result of positivity and productivity.

Some teachers have been seen to overdo this, creating fear and anxiety in the hearts of the children they preside over. There is no way that child can excel at his/her pursuits.

Children hating to go to school signify an underlying problem of fear or dislike for particular teacher(s) or a bully. It will be most unfortunate if the bully ends up being the teacher.  

We are the adults and have the full responsibility of self restraints when it comes to physically inflicting injuries on children in anger, all in the name of teaching them or putting them straight. One does not want to create a negative emotional imbalance in a child that is supposed to be in ones care and ones to impact positively.

Because of this issue schools have devised other forms of punishments, disciplinary measures for children who are stubborn or otherwise. As for children who are lacking behind academically, beating and punishing them is unproductive and should be discouraged, because this will create a mindset of failure in them and might end up been a stronghold as we segregate and ridicule them (with actions and words) from others, thinking this will gear them to improve on their academics.

For academically challenged children, it is the responsibility of the school and the teachers to innovate and find other ways of getting through to them. We can't all just be one way. Some schools engage play to break through to the minds and interest of children If some schools can teach and succeed with special children, I think we can do much better with children that have no physical and mental challenges. Thinking outside the box is the answer and not physical assault to the point of inflicting gruesome injuries.

Unfortunately when this happens, what follows oftentimes is that the parents or guardians of the child come to the school premises to cause commotion and sometime physically assault the said teachers and even other teachers This is most unfortunate, because the job of raising children really rest on all, parents, schools and the society at large. Certainly, the teacher’s brutal actions should be discouraged, punished or a form of restitution demanded, but setting an ugly example of bringing thugs or security agents to physically assault a teacher is a bad example which will definitely affect the child in future  and in an immoral way.

Raising a child to think they can always call thugs to fight their battle is what we see today in our political arena and society. Don't prove your point in a wrong way. Wisdom, the scriptures say is profitable to direct us in our ways and decisions in life. Anger uncontrolled makes one look and act foolishly.

(But we must not take away the right of the parents to be upset or even angry about how in-humane their child/wards were treated by the very people that are supposed to be their custodians when in school.)

The child gains nothing positive neither from his /her teacher’s assault nor from the parent’s rash reaction to the assault. Rather the parents have taught her/ him violence, immaturity and an unproductive way of handling issues in life and not too far in the future the child might get into serious trouble trying to imitate what he/she has seen years ago while trying to get closure from someone who might have crossed them.

We must learn to take a deep breath and see how to go about issues when they come. For instance, the parents should have impacted positive virtues in the child by visiting the head of school or the individual teacher first to dialogue after which if dialogue and correspondence might have yielded no results, legal action can then be taking, or at best Forgiveness and Love.

The Lagos State government through the Ministry of Education has since signed a law prohibiting the beating of students. Physically assaulting a child is an ineffective and lazy method of teaching. Actually, any teacher that still engages in this is breaking the law of the state.

Our schools especially the ones in the inner cities should equally make sure that all laws concerning teaching and schooling are adhered to. They should constantly train their especially in emotional intelligence. These trainings really show that the schools are really interested in what we claim they stand for: educating a child and not just business as usual.

In most organised schools, the teacher knows to report the child to a group head who will deal with the issue or if too complicated will refer it to the highest authority who can now engage the parents on a one on one chat on how to sort out the issues concerning the child.

All parties are to work together to raise these little ones. They will always make mistakes and be naughty. They are not adults so the level of responsibility and expectations on them cannot and should not level up in anger to the level of pain, fear and scars.

All our hands should be on deck for this honourable herculean assignment.

God bless our efforts on our children.

66 POSITIVE THINGS TO SAY TO YOUR CHILD

1.     I’m grateful for you

2.     You make me proud

3.     Your words are meaningful

4.     You have great ideas

5.     I love being your parent

6.     You don’t have to be perfect to be great

7.     Your opinions matter

8.     You are important

9.     You are loved

10.   I believe you

11.   I believe in you

12.   This family wouldn’t be the same without you

13.   You are valuable

14.   You can say no

15.   You can say yes

16.   I know you did your best

17.   You were right

18.   I accept who you are

19.   We can try your way

20.   You are helpful

21.   You are worth it

22.   You make me happy

23.   I love your creativity

24.   Being around you is fun

25.   I can’t wait to hear about it

26.   Don’t be afraid to be you

27.   You’re making a difference

28.   I’m excited to spend time with you

29.   You are interesting

30.   I love seeing the world your way

31.   It’s good to be curious

32.   I love the way you tell stories

33.   What you did was awesome

34.   I admire you

35.   That’s a great question

36.   Your friends are lucky to have you

37.   I trust you

38.   That was a really good choice

39.   Seeing you happy makes me happy

40.   Being your parent is my favorite job

41.   I learn new things from you every day

42.   You make me better

43.   You are a good boy/girl

44.   Thank you for being you

45.   I’m so glad you’re here

46.   You look so great

47.   I understand you

48.   Watching you grow up is the best

49.   That was really brave

50.   I forgive you

51.   I appreciate you

52.   We all make mistakes

53.   Yes, me too

54.   You are very good at that

55.   You can try again tomorrow

56.   Nobody is perfect

57.   I love how you said that

58.   Not everyone will like you, and that’s OK

59.   You did that so well

60.   I’m listening

61.   That’s a very  fair point

62.   You are beautiful inside and out

63.   I love you

64.   I could never stop loving you

65.   You are enough

66.   You make my heart full

Safeguarding the Minds of Our Children.

To say that the devil is strategically after the minds and lives of the children is stating the obvious. All you need to do is look at how negativity has infiltrated the education and entertainment our children are exposed to.

Virtually every App, Game, Cartoon and current teaching methods are teaching things contrary to a child's well being. Children are starting to doubt their gender; they are more attention deficient and selfish.

These must have been what the early missionaries saw happening decades ago when they set up Christian schools. They made curriculum that was based on teaching   morals alongside the normal course work. In fact, good morals were the platform on which all other subjects were taught.

They knew to achieve this; there must be some kind of separation from what the world was demanding to be taught. Please note I said “Separation” and not “Segregation” because after setting up the schools, it was accessible to everyone irrespective of social, cultural and religious background. 

Today, the education system is almost in ruins. Morality is being taught outside God but just to follow a set of manmade rules. This erosion in moral life has affected many as it is key to the Christian faith.

Most churches and christain individuals, organisations have decided to replicate what the orthodox churches and missionaries have done, by setting up schools that are scripture oriented and can engage the minds of the children leading them not just in education but also how to navigate the ever changing world around them. A world that seems to be in contention with the norms of morality and christianity.

So, as we teach them A, B and C, engaging them in ways to stay focused, standing and knowing right and wrong is very key. Children must start to know, early enough that some things are wrong, why they are wrong and what they ought to do when faced with such, even if the majority say otherwise.

Today the enemy has devised various seemingly innocent ways to engage the mind of children, if he achieves this, the education we have so much strived to give them will ultimately amount to little.

‎Yes! We must give them a free hand to express themselves, but there is a reason that we are the parents and we are the adults. There is a reason why we are already equipped with the experience they are so yearning to find out, and this is where our responsible guidance and mentoring comes in.

"Train up a child in the way he/she should go...and when he grows he/she will not depart from it."

The obvious potent weapon of the enemy today is social media, games, TV...etc. Truthfully there is not much we can do in the way the world is going in technology to avoid or denial them these gadgets...but we must be very informed on the type of applications on the various gadgets we get for them. We must be conscious of how to activate parental guidance on their computers, tabs, and Internet platforms. There are various games and Apps that are designed to engage children in education, and mental development, while we have some equally targeting them for sinister purpose, we can no longer be naïve, as in to go out and use our hard earned, God given money to purchase a device for our children without first making sure our gift of love (sometimes indulgence)  doesn't end up a Greek one.

Note. 

There are many apps and games that are children oriented in their interface, but might expose them to adult contents in subtle ways

There are Apps and games that are designed to target their minds to pervert their thinking on various issues, norms and traditions we hold dear....

There is a way you as the parents can activate a parental guidance on your Internet Wi-Fi at home to stop them engaging in pornographic, satanic and violent sites when you are away.

Know that there are tabs today that are pre-installed with porn pop-ups automatically....so just going out and purchasing a gadget is no good enough...ask questions about pre-installed apps, pop-ups and Ads.

Even on TV, gone are the days where we watch government controlled viewing...Today the norm is cable television, and they come with various channels, both for children and adults. One can equally activate PG on your cable channels making sure the children don't indulge themselves with adult contents programme in your absence. This is not their responsibility but ours as parents and guardians.

Pls take note of the age recommendations on the CDs, and movies we download‎ and watch...if not appropriate for children, it should be kept away or not purchased at all...There is no point buying a CD that you can't watch with your children. 

Some parents have banned their children or blocked some supposedly children channels, because when they took their time to watch with the children, they discovered the programmes were not that innocent after all but very suggestive and sensual in subtle ways.

A single porn or satanic image or programme can destroy everything one has been engaged in with the life of a child. It stays intact and battles the mind for decades, unless one seeks counselling and stops viewing and believing the lies on the screen.

The Screen is the very effective way to engage billions of people in very short a time so as to pass information as quickly as possible globally. Unfortunately this is equally potent when in wrong hands targeting little boys and girls, even teenagers and adults, if adults struggle with this issues, I hope you can imagine what it will do to the mind of a 5 year old.

Our Christian Schools 

We educate children so they can be a blessing to the society. But can we truly, totally harness all the educated child has to offer when he/she lacks the morals, conviction, discipline, tact and a good heart. If and when this things are lacking the education stands on faulty foundation. We are currently in a deplorable state in our country today caused by mostly educated leaders, but no love in their hearts for the people, no vision, and no focus. Most don't even know what it entails to be in the position of leadership. “The worst kind of criminal is an educated one”.

Educating a child without morals and restraint is a ticking time bomb waiting to go off.

Our schools must begin to tackle this head on. We have already taught them the Bible stories, the do’s and the don'ts...Schools that want to truly engage children and see them grow up to build a prosperous nation must go the extra mile and strategize ways to educate the parents and children how to avoid lewd and ungodly content on the various gadgets that the children and wards are constantly exposed to, even in school.

We need to engage parents on ways to tackle the trend head on.

Our social responsibility should not just start and stop with teaching and school fees and the norms. We have to strife to make sure that what we put in their minds can withstand and correct the negativity social media platforms try to put there.

We must know who has the greater access to their hearts and interest. Is it we the parents, the church and schools or social trends that destroy their innocence and eventually future. If it's the latter, then the fault lies with us.

Here is a letter from grange school Ikeja GRA informing parents and guidance and generally public on the deceptive nature of some games, Apps and programmes on gadgets we purchase for our children. This shows the school's resilience and responsibilities in going an extra mile to make sure their children are not perverted by unsuspecting, seemingly innocent information on their devices and their parents. 

This is very much encouraging even coming from a private school that does not have any religious affiliation.

Don't be deceived it's an all out war out there. It's a great contention for minds and destinies of the Children. Beautiful minds the enemy plans to manipulate and pervert. Minds that will shape, direct, instruct and have power over the future. The enemy knows this, and is hell bent and resilient in efforts to destroy and pervert them.

"If we allow our children to do what they like today...they will eventually do what we don't like tomorrow"  Gbile Akanni.

The ball, as they say, is in our court.

DOES YOUR CHILD NEED HELP?

When a child begins to exhibit certain negative behaviors and continually has issues in his/her academics, it’s time to do a little research and ask ourselves certain questions.

Is the child going through any kind of trauma?

Active effort has to engaged in finding out if and what the child is passing through, be it psychological, emotional…This is where some form of counseling should come in-but maybe not in the form of regular/conventional counseling but in giving extra attention and friendship, love and encouragement to allow him/her let up on whatever is going on, with whom and where.

This should be done consistently and in a warm and friendly environment. Through the kind words and act of the mentor/counselor, the child develops the much needed self-worth and confidence and then, positive changes begin to emerge.

What are the causes of said issues?

These issues must be known in other to tackle them. The issues arise mostly from people that the children interact with often. These people are people we assume love the child and should pursue a positive flow in their lives.  

How can said issues be resolved?

Whatever anyone is doing directly or indirectly to cause a downturn in the psychological / emotional / physical wellness of the child must be confronted immediately …the person can be removed or child taken away from proximity to the individual(s).

When issues are dealt with it most times, they leave a void in the little minds that need to be immediately filled with positive and goal oriented mentality…the reassurance of love and acceptance must be pursued with programmes to engage them in positive drive towards their academics and extra preferences…e.g. sports, music and skill acquisition.

Let’s take active roles in raising a generation of happy children. A happy child is a guaranteed champion for life.

God bless our children.

Valentine’s Day and The Child

Someone once said "if we discovered that we had only five minutes left to say all we wanted to say, every telephone booth would be occupied by people calling other people to stammer that they loved them."

As February 14 draws closer, a lot of us are anticipating some kind of fun or the other while some don’t really care. Well, either you care or not, majority of our schools are celebrating, meaning our children are celebrating too.

I had an interesting conversation with a dear child. Our conversation went something like this...

“It'll be Valentine's Day soon!”

“What is it all about?” A child asked.

“It's a day to show love, when people show affection to another person or people by sending gifts like cards, chocolates, flowers, and so on”.

“Ewwwww! But I'm not married!”

“Oh! No! It's not about marriage. It's about showing others how much you care. Not just by the big gifts you give.... but also the little acts of kindness that make someone's day brighter.”

This brings me to a series of questions;

i.    Do our kids really understand this hullabaloo called Valentine’s Day?

ii.   Should they be allowed to ‘celebrate’ it in their schools?

iii.  How should the schools celebrate it?

Love is “a caring, self-sacrificing commitment which shows itself in seeking the highest good of the one loved.” It does not take advantage of one another person, neither is it selfish nor self seeking.

Let us teach our children that, ''it doesn’t matter who they are, what they have or what they give… if they don’t have selfless love, they have nothing."

This age is marked with a lot of sexual perversion all in the name of love. But I assure you, if you invest time in your children and express the right kind of love at home, they will not fall victims of perversion especially in this Valentine season.

As a parent you need to show love to them daily and teach them to have nothing to do with selfish love. This way they will not be starved of love, and so they do not get hungry and desperate for love, trying to get it wherever it seemingly presents itself. This is usually the case of teens who get deceived by so called lovers. They have a low self-esteem.

One of your most important gifts as a parent is to help your child develop self-esteem. Your child needs your steady support and help to discover his/her strengths. (S)he needs you to believe in him/her as (s)he learns to believe in himself/herself. Loving him/her, spending time with him/her, listening to him/her and celebrating lessons learned from his/her mistakes and successes are all part of this process.

Should it be celebrated in schools? Oh! Yes, but in the right way, a selfless way. The School authority should ensure strict guidelines are given to the pupils. They should ensure the pupils are not given too much liberty which could open doorways to assault or perversion.

When our children are taught real, selfless love, it would be easy for them to recognize love that is harmful, to identify fake since they are constantly exposed to the original.

Parents watch your kids/wards, what they wear, listen, ask questions. Let our children not lose their innocence to our carelessness.

Don't forget to say, "I love you" to your children regardless of their age!

What do you think?